I decided this evening I’m going to write my life story and be damned. My life is far too rich, varied and bedazzling to keep it to myself any longer.
When my book is written I shall have to give away two or three chapters to whet the world’s appetite and the events of today will probably be one of the teaser passages. Such a lot has happened:
I had a cheese and onion sandwich for lunch. No ordinary onion. This one was plucked from the rich Kildare earth of one of my best pals and I think it must honestly have been the most outstanding onion I’ve ever eaten in my life. I’m cursing myself I didn’t take a picture of it as I take pictures of everything. You don’t believe me so here’s a recent photo to demonstrate that no object is too banal for my lens. What we have here is a section of my wheelie bin with a rain-bejewelled spider’s web decorating the side.
When I write the book I’ll explain what made the onion so extraordinary but for now I have to move straight onto the next event of the day.
I went to the garage and filled the car with petrol. Just the petrol tank obviously. I always like to dress appropriately for every social event so today my ensemble comprised grey tracksuit bottoms, pink t-shirt, grey and pink diamond-patterned socks. Oh, hold it there. Completely intuitive that, matching socks. The entire finished off with black patent flatties. Tell me – when was the last time you saw someone in tracksuit bottoms and shiny shoes?
I’m what is known as an "early adopter". When you see Stella’s models sashaying down the catwalk in baggy bottoms and shiny shoes next Spring, remember – you heard it here first.
- Not much else happened after the sandwich and the petrol-fill but I think that’s enough excitement for one day. Don’t you?
Now. Ovaltine (just a small one) and bed.