Last week was a strain. Not all of it of course but in a life of highs and lows, last week's lows were lower than usual. Don't ask me what happened cos I'm not quite sure. No-one died, I know that. No disasters happened in my work. I didn't row with any of my friends and clients. My favourite Apprentice didn't get fired. The water tank didn't explode. I didn't get a puncture. My broadband didn't break. And I didn't run out of money.
Hm. Put like that, sounds like a pretty good week.
But truth is, it was a struggle and a strain. And I know that if I had to, I could identify good reasons, excellent reasons even, why I felt down, why I cried, why I felt tired and stressed, why I wanted to get into bed and not get up again.
I also know that I could happily blame other people for every crap thing that landed on me last week.
"If I could just be left alone" the fantasy goes, "my life would be perfect".
And though I know, I really really know, that I am responsible for my own happiness, I realise I mostly know it intellectually, logically. Because sometimes, when the going gets really tough, the tough secretly 'know' that it's someone else's fault really. At least, in the moment.
With the benefit of time and distance, I accept complete responsibility for even the major disasters of my life. It's in the moment that this belief gets forgotten because you're too busy feeling sorry for yourself to remember that your happiness depends on one person only. You.
So I'm just reminding myself. I never want to let someone else, or circumstances, dictate that I can be happy or not. However bad and tough and difficult life can be, it's still better than the alternative, isn't it?
In the words of Abraham, spoken through Esther Hicks:
Tell everyone you know: "My happiness depends on me, so you're off the hook." And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they're doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel — and then, you'll love them all. Because the only reason you don't love them, is because you're using them as your excuse to not feel good.